We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
