i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
