So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
