Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
