I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Help me help you realize you are a moron
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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