I'm lost and stupid without you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
