the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
