i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
