I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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