All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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