god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
