ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
