i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
