You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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