I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
