3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
