I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
