Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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