And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
