it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
