are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
