paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
