so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
