I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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