can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
