This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we made out on top of his cat.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
