Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
