I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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