Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
