Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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