She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You smell like stripper and shame
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
