that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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