people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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