Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
