I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
