I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
