If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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