me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
