ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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