I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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