Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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