i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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