I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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