nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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