pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
