i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
