ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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