I think I died a long time ago.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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