i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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