Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
