Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
