Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
