Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize