There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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