I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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