Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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