so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
