I skipped work to stalk him.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
