this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
