My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
