3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
