Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
