dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got inside last night via doggy door
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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