My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
