My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
