I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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