Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
