So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
